Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Randomize
