she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize