I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
