Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
