Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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