Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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