ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
