It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
