so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
