GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize