I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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