Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
