You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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