My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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