he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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