tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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