i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
