They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Randomize
