watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
