he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
