I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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