Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
