The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize