drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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