I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
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