i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
