I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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