we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
