I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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