wrigley field is MILF paradise
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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