that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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