Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
