How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
