my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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