Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
