The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
