So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize