she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
