Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
