apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
