But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
