Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We're not piercing ourselves today.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
