I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
