Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
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