Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
