i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
