I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
send nudes
from the living room?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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