I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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