one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
