I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
