3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize