You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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