I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
