if i can run in heels then i can drive
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
