I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
