Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
