its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
