Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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