apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
