I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
