and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Randomize
