when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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