I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
